Movie Day

Well, one semester of teaching is completed.  And I really should fire myself from blogging, because clearly I've been asleep on the job.  I must say I always fancied myself Doris Day as Schoolteacher, yet I never seemed to find the right combination of pumps and pencil skirts.  But I digress....

With one whole semester of teaching under my belt, I thought I oughta share a couple of newfound secrets to success in the classroom.  Really, there are only a couple...

1.)  The quickest way to becoming the "coolest" teacher in school?  Follow my simple formula:  bring to class two lengthy worksheets.  Tell the students that if the class completes both worksheets, you will end class with a super fun game.  Finish the first lengthy worksheet...then suspiciously look at watch for several seconds.  Finally, announce to the class that since they've been soooo good and all that, gosh darn it, you're just gonna skip the second worksheet until later!  Little will they know that the second worksheet is actually the first, only in a different pile, and that you never had any intention of a second assignment to begin with.  You will be lauded with raucous applause, cheering and general good-spiritedness.   

2.)  Try not to be horrified when, after asking the students, "what is your address?" They say, "powpow1000@msn.com"  Or worse yet, they respond with "e-mail or house?"  And then proceed to blink at you for no less than 89 seconds, while trying desperately to remember their house address.

3.)  Along that same line, when asking, "what is your phone number?"  children will always, always respond, "mobile? or house?"  Yes, they are 12.  Yes, I was still toilet papering houses at 12 while these youngsters are creating MySpace accounts.  It's just a sign of the times.  *sigh*

4.)  Kids are smart.  So smart in fact, that it does not take them long to realize there exists a direct and positive relationship between their grade and the number of times they tell Aj. Bobbi she is beautiful or pretty.  At the bottom of worksheets, it is not uncommon to read "p.s. teacher Bobbi soooo beautiful!!!!!!!"  CHECK-PLUS.

5.)  Strangely, the same children who cannot change a simple, present tense verb into the simple past tense (although they've been 'learning' the concept since the second grade) will be the same ones to inevitably point out that, "oooohhh, teacher Bobbi; you wore that same shirt on Monday!"  Huh.  Selective observation?  

6.)  Finally, the trade secret: how do you know Teacher is hung-over?  "Ok kids, MOOOOVIE DAY!"  They'll never catch on. Never.

xoxo