Sneaky.

OK, obviously I've lost track of time which means I have no clue how many days of freedom I have had, or how many days I've been nannying, or how many days since I've showered or changed my underwear. That's childcare for ya...

Recently, #1 (the older child) has gotten into the habit of shouting out, "you didn't see that!" whenever I have my back turned. To her, this is positively hilarious and is followed by a shower of giggles. To me, this is a special brand of terrifying. Positively incredibly how a four-year-old with 74 pink barrettes in her hair can cause the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end.

Generally, when I hear this exclamation she's actually doing nothing, but still I expect to turn around and see one of the following scenarios playing out:

a) #1 juggling a chainsaw, two tennis balls, and a bottle of vodka

b) #1 and #2 running naked while allowing a wild squirrel into the house

c) the dawn of World War III about to begin at the hands of a four-year-old who is quietly plotting nuclear warfare

This all brings to mind my mother's constant refrain that she had "eyes in the back of her head." Somehow, she managed to catch me doing absolutely everything I was never supposed to do. I mean really, the woman could be downstairs in the master suite, sleeping like a log while I was upstairs in my bedroom, crawling out the window and onto the roof and before I could get my hot little feet back on solid ground, I'd already be bending over for a spanking. Respect.

Truth be told, there were times when I was living in Maastricht...or Bangkok...or Buduburam and still feared those eyes from the back of her head, that would come right over and slap that bottle of Absinthe or other illicit substance right out of my hand.

Come to think of it, I may have found my secret weapon....