Today, the Littler One and I went on an "adwentcha" to the Zoo. We met up with the Older One and her summer day camp group. Yes, these summer months will see me only caring for one child that is not my own, rather than two. Accordingly, my happiness level has recently and notably increased two-fold...
That is until I found myself amongst 14 children under the age of six, all wearing neon yellow t-shirts. Other than the three teachers, I was one of two "parents" that chose to come. Now I see why: child alone is crazy, child(ren) in large groups are insufferable. However, they had their moments of cuteness (I think there was one) and, perhaps most surprisingly, their moments of astute wisdom. Here is what humans who will not legally drink until 2027, taught me this morning:
- When the big peacock poops on the deck of the Reptile & Amphibian house, it's called a Poop Deck. No relation to naval architecture and superstructures of ships.
- If you're very hot and sweaty, you should "take a little dip in ice cold water."
- If you're the kid who shouts at everyone for mispronouncing "jaguar," you're destined to be an endlessly irritating grown-up. Fact.
- If you're the kid who calls the small boy with a gap in his teeth "Mister Annoying Pants," you're destined to be an enormous asshole. You will also get lots and lots of girls.
- Roosters will eat American cheese. So will peacocks.
- When a lemur raises his tail, backs his butt up to you, and makes a (misleadingly) cute snorting noise, walk away. Better yet, run.
- At the Axis Deer, it's okay to pick up the light brown pellets from the ground and feed them to the deer. Don't touch the dark brown pellets.
- Pushing friends is never okay. We do not push!
- And, if you can't keep your hands on your own body, you have to move away. *can we make this a sign to post in bars?*
- Tigers in enclosures are not scary. But in a hypothetical situation, a tiger right next to you is very scary.
- Also, Murphy has sunglasses, Chap-Stic, and sunblock in her monkey purse. Just so you know.
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2 comments:
Well, just remember 2 things:
1) You'd be destined to REALLY be an asshole if you called the kid "Gap Tooth" instead of "Mister Annoying Pants." I congratulate the "asshole" for correctly identifying his inherent issue with other child - and focusing on the personality flaw instead of making fun of something out of other child's realm of control.
2) In hypothetical situation, remember that tigers hate cinnamon. But they love pepper. :)
I strolled over to this blog because my best good friend Stacy May follows your blog, and I am so glad I did! You are hilarious!
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